You made the decision to be here, you did the right thing.
For every decision I make there’s a heartbeat, or an entire moon cycle, that I wonder if I did the right thing. Don’t ask me to pick me the place for lunch, for the love of all that is good in this world! Sometimes when I’m in a particularly frustrating phase of life, I’ll think back on something I may have done or didn’t do, long ago. Why did I break up with my ex from 5 years ago? What was wrong with that job that I just had to quit? Why don’t I shell out thousands for an MFA? I unleash this incessant nagging upon myself when things aren’t working out perfectly well in my life, and I know many of you do too.
This kind of mental weight is heavy and exhausting. While I’m sure there are plenty pills and bottles of Red that’ll put a band-aid on it, you could try something as simple as writing it all down. Write a letter to yourself explaining exactly where you were in that moment of life when you made your annoying decision.
- First stop and take a chill pill (hopefully not an actual pill)
- Grab your journal, school composition or a slip of paper from your printer ( I prefer journal because I can confess where my heart was in the moment)
- At the top of your fresh, anything could happen page write those two words, Dear Me
- Proceed to write the letter to yourself explaining exactly why you left your soul crushing job or take up that difficult fitness program
Sometimes this is easier than it sounds. A whole letter? If you made a rash decision in the heat of the moment, you may be kicking yourself harder this time around (no really, WHAT was I thinking). Even more reason to write the letter. Something deep in your heart warranted you to act on it, so pull out the paper and let your thoughts fall.
In my case I tend to know that I had a good reason for my decision, (usually) but I just forgot what it was. The most recent example being; I left a job that no longer suited my schedule, paid me poorly and I didn’t have the time to devote to it anymore. As a result, my performance was suffering. I can’t stand being bad at my job. Never in my life do I want to be that co-worker who has no idea how she got here, but at least they haven’t fired her yet! Still, two weeks into my newly relished freedom I found myself missing my compatriots and meager paychecks. I needed that small (or rather large) reminder.
If you’re a creative type this can help in more ways than just being a reminder. It can help get your juices flowing again, give you an idea for a new project or help if you’re stuck on a current one. If you’re a writer in particular, it’s good to be writing something, anything and everything.
Now I can pull out my note to self and it’s refreshing to read that conviction I felt in the moment. Especially if I’ve been beating myself up over it. There are some of us who can walk around with these thoughts, these weights, in their mind and function just fine. For me I need all the room I can get for my next get rich quick scheme, story idea, or witty comeback. I wish you plenty of ink for your misgivings my friends.
With love, Marq